Tree Swinger

Spam-O-Rama: Communique from the Work Inbox

• FW: What you up to this week? (Training a dog to not bite me, working, drinking lambrusco. You?)
• Phrmaceu ticcal Pe rfect (I don't think I could trust meds from some site that can't spell pharmaceutical.)
• Phrmac eubtical Cool (Ditto, and marketed as "cool", at that.)
• Phr maceuticfal Valuable (Double ditto.)
• Don’t you wanna fuck like a pornostar in the movie you saw yesterday? (OMG!!1!! How did they know?!?)
• You're a Silver Power Seller (Funny...I don't even have an Ebay account.)
• Earn money, save the world! (Superhero-style? Like, I flap my wallet and make it rain in the desert, or use my coinage to build sturdy bridges, or stop bombs with my money clip?)
• You tried everything to fight away the Erectile Dysfunction: the best porno sites, the most exotic movies, hot playboys (Well, not *everything*. I have been having ED, but that may be more a lack of having a penis than anything else...)
• RE: Guess who's back? (Moral outrage at the current political arena? Cognizant, well-spoken Democrats? Oh, golly...I give up! Who?!?)
• Vampires vs. Lykens-Full Moon Party Tonight! [1/13] (Funny thing is, I never would've understood this if I hadn't seen Underworld on the boob tube this past weekend.)
• No matter how well-off you are, you can always afford Replica Classic watches. (An odd marketing statement for a company named Replica Classic Watches. Shouldn't it be "no matter how bad-off you are"?)
• URGENT(AS YOU READ,YOU WILL BE BLESS IN JESUS NAME) (Lack of proper verb tense makes the baby Jesus cry.)
• SHY TO FCUK WITH UR SHORT GUN? L0NGER 3" INSTANTLY young (Slightly disturbing. I didn't even know people had sex with guns. Is the instant three inches a silencer? Are they loaded? If you're having sex with guns, is it even an option to be shy?)
• RE:i bet he won't know (Men don't know a lot of things, but I'm kind of in the dark on this one, too.))
• CONGRATULATIONS!!!!LUCKY WINNER!!!!!!!!!!! (CONGRATULATIONS!!!!LUCKY WINNER!!!!! YOU WILL HAVE 100s OF SPAM IF OPENING NOW!!!!!!!)
• Surprise your wife (Too bad I'm not married. Or a lesbian.)
• Imagine what could happen if the kings weren’t able to father. (Well, someone else might've been king, then. Voting may have come around a lot sooner. Monkeys may have ruled in a gumdrop land with lollipop streets. The female sexual revolution would be a lot further than it is now. My imagination is pretty good...I could go on like this for hours.)
• Re: At sit in tackle quietism express (Rather haiku-ish. This was my favorite.)

picked from the vine by sv @ 4:09 PM