It All Comes Back To Alcohol

A co-worker/best bud (we'll call her Moogs) had a blind date a few weeks back. Decent fellow, good-looking, nice conversationalist, beautiful Harley. Everything a gal could want, right?

Well...at least in a first date.

The next day progressed into a call-fest, with daily calls coming in since. Fellas, as Swinger-ish as it may sound, we do need a bit of breathing room after meeting you to evaluate the situation. You'd be smart to take it, too.

It all culimated today when we were headed downstairs for a delicious smokey treat (Camels, you heathens). The receptionist beckoned toward flowers on the front desk. Being a hopeless romantic, I thought they were for me (it's hard to determine a fingering**), but they were for Moogs...at which she rolled her eyes, figuring they from said over-amourous date, and commented (basically), "Phhst. Later."* Which spurned us to conversation. Naturally.

How can you tell a guy:

"Too much is too much."


"Too little is too little."

*AND* make him understand what the fuck you mean?

To clarify, there is such a thing as scaring a gal off too early. Overtures of romance, feelings, and all that gucky shit can make a woman run to a mountain stream to wash the "squick" off. BUT... not enough makes you seem disinterested, uninvolved. Meh, in internet speak.

So...how to avoid that fatal balance of too much and not enough? Relate it to alcohol, of course.

Moogs had a streak of brillance when I asked the above question verbatim. Her exact quote was," It's like drinking beer."

Think about it.

You know when you've had too many. You know when you've had too few. Why not apply this logic to the everydate, as well as the everyday?

"Nice to meet you. You're a nice chick." = Too few
"Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?" = Too many
"Nice conversation. Want to grab coffee next Friday?" = Just right

The trick to the last one is not calling her until the day before the coffee date. HEAR US! We want you to to be intriguing. Not crass, nor uninspired. Mysterious and revealing. Methodical and daring. Firm, yet gentle. Well, hell...in the first few dates, at least.

I'm sure plenty of women will disagree with the whole "beer theory", as it might offend their delicate sensabilities. To be honest, I'm PMS-ing, and probably hypersensitive to too many things. But, it applies to whatever your slide rule may be.

Chocolate? Yes.
Sun? Yes.
Exfoliating salt scrub? Yes.
Ceiling supported rubber...um...trust me, yes.

Ladies, please. Can we raise the bar and stop settling for too much or too few? There are quite a lot of men out there that will give it to us just right.

*They were actually from a client who's adorable, so the flowers became much prettier after she read the card.
**In the "come*** hither" sense, you pervs.
***Come = walk...You pervs.